If it’s any consolation to myself and to anybody who might have a bitter taste left in their mouth after reading this post, the jury’s actually still out on what love really is all about. I’m just making an observation based on a recent encounter I had with someone I thought I might want to go ahead and settle down with, building a life together going forward.

Needless to say, as the title suggests, it was somewhat of a rude awakening!

The Bold and the Beautiful

Haha, this show actually still plays and there are people who actually still watch it. I’m merely making reference to this long-running American soap opera because it pretty much paints a picture of what a fantasy love is all about, or I may be wrong since I actually made an effort to watch it for an entire month just to get back up to speed with the full story. Yes, those are the lengths I go to in order to produce but one mere blog post…

So anyway, apparently love is not what is depicted in soap operas such as The Bold and the Beautiful! It’s NOT a feeling which causes two people “it (the feeling)” has entranced and connected to want to move heaven and earth to be together and express their love for each other physically. Apparently, in this day and age, love is all about just making the other person’s life easier while they reciprocate what is popularly referred to as a choice. You might often come across couples celebrating in a great deal all the love holidays. From chocolates to personalized gifts (why not look here for a few examples), there are many things that they tend to exchange as tokens of love these days. While gifting has been a significant event from time to time, it is only the demands that have seemed to change. Again, “love is a choice,” they say…

Again, I have to say that this is just an observation and it definitely doesn’t mean I agree with this notion…I don’t!

Instinct

So, at the risk of sounding like I’m contradicting myself again, I’m going to state that love is indeed a choice, but it’s not as simple as that. Let’s take an example to explain this statement better. If a guy makes an effort to sit and search for “bracelets for women” specifically and buy something special for his beloved on a special day, is it to impress her? Obviously, yes! But, why should he do that? It’s because amongst the other girls around him, he chose to be attracted to one special girl and decides to pursue a bond with her. In order to accomplish that, he tries to woo her using gifts. While this might sound obsolete or cliché, it is still happening. Romance is still a cliché concept. But, that is what makes it special. When something so common is still treasured as something beautiful and meaningful, it creates a chemistry between two individuals. You don’t just choose to love someone or choose to give your love to someone. There has to be some kind of driving force that compels you to choose to love someone, so the choice itself is a manifestation of some or other instinct.

I guess what I’m saying is that it goes back to being some kind of feeling – something which is happening to you as opposed to something which you cause to happen. Yes, there’s some action that you take to express what you believe is love, but that action doesn’t just come out of nowhere. Something has to spark it and I believe that’s probably where we tend to get it wrong. In that aspect, I think gay people might have a better idea about separating love from simple attraction. If a gay man feels attracted to someone, he will most likely hook up with him with no strings attached, or maybe even watch some porn on GayPornHD or similar websites and be satisfied. When he falls in love, however, it’s all different, and they have different definitions of intimacy. With straight guys, it’s not like that. They often tend to conflate love and sexual desire and just live in that confusion, making bad choices.

Both factors (the feeling and the choice) are required in order for any love to stand a chance of developing positively, something which I specifically learned while I was a few weeks into a relationship with a new love interest. I was playing around with some ideas for some cool gifts for her when it suddenly hit me that the amount of money I spend doesn’t necessarily equate to the amount of “love” I have for her!

Unfortunately we weren’t on the same page and things went awry very quickly, but I guess something as simple as a happy birthday gift basket in this particular instance saved me from a life of trying to prove my love through superficial material things! No regrets!